


One Day It Just Clicks

by jane_x80



Category: NCIS
Genre: Frustration, Hot Chocolate, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 19:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16980780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: Tony finds himself working late (again) on Christmas Eve, completing an unpleasant task, and he doubts his place at NCIS and on the MCRT, since he is being treated more and more disrespectfully by every member of his team, including Gibbs who is supposed to be the one who knows him. It's not a surprise. It's not as if he's been happy at the agency in a few years. Abby helps to put things in perspective.ForDay 14 of the Happy Holidays Challenge on LiveJournal, the theme is Hot Chocolate. A story in collaboration with Red_Pink_Dots and her artwork.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Art for One Day It Just Clicks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964799) by [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots). 



> This story was one that I was very excited about. I was clicking around on images and I found an image that I thought, ma cherie [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots) could probably do something cool with this, and maybe we can build a story around it. So I sent it to her, and my incredible partner in crime agreed! So we were off to the races. :D We discussed the plot, like we do, and RPD did her magic to create this awesome artwork from the original image that fits the story so amazingly well. It's fabulous. I love it. I was clapping my hands and jumping up and down because of it :D
> 
> The song for this story is [Shove This Jay Oh Bee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i2eK8pkueM) (Canibus, with Biz Markie).

**Part One: Tony**

[](https://i.imgur.com/rmaveZX.png)

Tony DiNozzo was not a happy man. He hadn’t been happy in a long time, it seemed, and right now he was especially unhappy. It was Christmas Eve and instead of having a nice relaxing day off as he had actually been planning to do, he was wallowing in shit. Literally wallowing in shit. Well, maybe not wallowing exactly, but there was certainly a large amount of wading going on. And yes, he was wading in waist deep shit, helping Abby look through a septic tank, looking for evidence. It was a strange crime involving several murdered navy sailors. They had caught the murderer, and the woman had even confessed to their murders, but she had indicated that their remains were underground by her house so they were in the process of digging up her yard. The dig was still ongoing, agents from several teams including the MCRT carefully sifting through the dirt to look for remains, and so far they hadn’t turned up anything. But then when they hit the septic tank also buried underground in her yard, Tony had wondered if that weird expression on the woman’s face when she confessed to having her victims kept _underground_ in her yard, but without actually saying that they were _buried_ meant that they were underground in the septic tank.

And somehow that suddenly meant that Tony graduated from sifting dirt in the yard with Ziva and McGee and the others, Tony pretending to himself he was Indiana Jones on an archaeological dig, to wading in the septic tank with Abby. Abby had supervised the extraction of the septic tank from the yard and it had been transported to the NCIS garage and then she had turned to Gibbs and asked for help to look through the tank. The sifting of dirt through the yard had so far gotten them nowhere. Cadaver dogs, underground radar, and old fashioned digging the dirt and physically sifting through it had resulted in nothing so far.

Gibbs had looked at his three subordinates, all of whom were trying to look as unobtrusive as possible, and with a gleam in his eye, had said, “DiNozzo, go with Abs.”

Tony had groaned, and Ziva and McGee crowed gleefully. Because of course Gibbs would pick Tony for the shit jobs. This one was, literally, a shit job. All Tony had wanted was a break for a nice cup of hot chocolate before he went back to digging up a murderer’s yard, but instead he’d been assigned the stupid shit job again. So Tony had gone back to the Navy Yard with Abby while the bundled up Ziva and McGee waved him goodbye so they could return to their marked out grid section of the yard and continue the painstaking work of digging it up for evidence or remains digging through ground that was already frozen. Winter had come early to DC this year and it was below freezing so it hadn’t been the most comfortable job to have and Tony’s hands were chapped with cold and he could already feel his chest tightening up, so sitting in the heated truck with Abby wasn’t too much of a hardship.

The subsequent wading through the septic tank _was_ a hardship though. Even though he and Abby had nose plugs and hazmat suits and everything, it was still unpleasant. The thought of trying to pull an Andy Dufresne and crawling through the sewer filled with well, all of the things Tony was currently wading through, without the hazmat suit or any other protective equipment was quite nauseating and definitely changed his outlook on that scene in the movie. Tony was in no hurry to recreate that scene from the _Shawshank Redemption_ , no matter how cool it had been when Andy made it out and was washing himself in the river, bathed in silvery moonlight.

But the thing was, they were finding small, chopped up human bones as they strained the contents of the septic tank. There were kerf marks on the bone that Abby’s first educated guess indicated that a metal cutting implement had been used, but before they could go into the details of it, they needed to find the rest of the bones and other human remains. So he and Abby were kept quite busy, going through the human waste and finding human remains in that terrible, disgusting, smelly soup. It was by far one of the most disgusting, unappetizing and literally shittiest work that he had ever done.

But Abby was cheerful through it all, constantly reminding him they were doing important work, trying to get justice for these people, and to bring comfort and closure to their loved ones. So Tony continued with the work, keeping the complaints to a minimum and mostly just keeping the rant of the unfairness of it all just in his head.

Of course Gibbs would choose for him to do the dirty jobs instead of his precious Ziva and McGee. Tony was always the scapegoat and odd one out now, always the one Gibbs set aside. Tony was getting thoroughly sick of it because once upon a time, he and Gibbs had had the kind of professional relationship that was the envy of the entire alphabet soup. It used to be known that Gibbs trusted him and that they could practically read each other’s minds when they were on a case.

But now? Now Gibbs made him wade through the shit, and made him not just Gibbs’ personal punching bag, but also the team’s punching bag and class clown. Tony knew that it was partially his fault for giving Ziva and McGee the class clown mask, but that even Gibbs was buying that façade really did hurt. He couldn’t quite pinpoint the time when Gibbs stopped treating him like his Senior Field Agent, but their relationship had shattered when Gibbs lost his memory and ran off to Mexico, and after the whole Jeanne Benoit fiasco came out, it felt to him as if Gibbs was blaming him for the op, instead of pointing the finger at his stupid ex-girlfriend the red headed NCIS Director. Tony had been the one to bear the brunt of the blame instead of Director Shepard, and that had broken Tony a little bit more.

And since Vance had come on board, he had made his opinion of Tony clear, placing the blame of Director Shepard’s death on Tony, and sending him off to be Agent Afloat, and Gibbs had taken his own sweet time getting Tony back on the team, Tony really didn’t know where he stood anymore. The fact that he had been the _last_ one Gibbs got back to the team, well, that really rankled.

Tony was, for once, glad that Abby had her death metal music blaring while they worked because it made talking difficult, and Tony was able to hide from her his thoughts about giving Gibbs the resignation letter that had been burning a hole in his bottom drawer for years now, ever since Gibbs lost his memory and Tony started feeling less than welcome at NCIS. The only reason that he hadn’t already turned in the letter was that Abby had come back to her usual self once Gibbs came back and she’d stopped treating him like dirt and slapping ‘Trainee’ labels on him. She’d apologized, even, for losing her head while he had been gone, and Tony knew that Abby had campaigned really hard to get Tony back from the Seahawk, so he couldn’t just up and leave her. Even if the rest of the team treated him poorly, Abby was still family. Although he was feeling more and more certain that she would still be his family, even if he stopped working at NCIS. If he stayed in DC, he didn’t doubt that their friendship would be intact and they would make time to be with each other.

These thoughts were starting to make him maudlin, and they were getting through the muck. They would be done with the work in an hour or two, tops, so it wasn’t completely terrible. Tony tried to cheer himself up with the thought of going home and making himself the hugest mug of his special hot chocolate, with whipped cream and mini marshmallows. He could sit on his sofa, wrapped in blankets, drink hot chocolate made in the way that his mother used to make for him, and watch an old movie. He could still salvage the rest of his Christmas Eve. He just needed to get through the next couple of hours.

The loud music was silenced abruptly, and Tony and Abby looked at each other, eyebrows raised in question.

“Gibbs?” Abby called out.

Two faces peered down into the septic tank. It was McGee and Ziva. Their faces were red, chapped from cold and wind and Tony could see that McGee was already sniffling pretty badly.

“Gibbs has told us to stop for the night,” Ziva crowed. “It has gotten too dark and cold so we get to go home for the night. But looks like you still have to stay.”

“This stinks so bad…” McGee held his nose. “I can’t believe you’ve had to do this the _whole time_!” His tone was most definitely _not_ sympathetic. It was much closer to gloating than sympathetic.

“Really, McGee?” Abby said, giving him a warning stare.

McGee and Ziva couldn’t help but just laugh at them and Tony guessed that he couldn’t blame them. He and Abby were wearing hazmat suits, covered in so much shit and filth that Tony was sure that he would never be able to feel clean again, but it wasn’t fair that his teammates were treating Abby this way.

“Hey, we might smell bad, but neither of us are in danger of losing our fingers to frostbite,” Tony snarked at them.

McGee sniffled and sneezed, as if to punctuate Tony’s point.

“See?” Abby crowed back.

“Well, _I_ am not catching a cold,” Ziva declared.

“Enjoy digging in the cold tomorrow then,” Tony yelled up. “I hope you guys get to turn up a ton more dirt with no results except for walking pneumonia!”

Abby put a hand on Tony’s shoulder and they both turned back to their work. “Turn the music back on and just leave, McGee,” Abby yelled back.

“Abby! Don’t be like that! We’re just giving Tony a hard time!” McGee tried to whine.

“I’m doing the exact job that Tony is, and in fact this _is_ my job. Tony is doing me a huge favor. So this, what you’re doing? You’re also giving _me_ a hard time, Timmy,” Abby pointed out. “Just go on home and leave us to our work.”

“Get lost, McKnowYourAudience!” Tony didn’t even bother to look up.

There was a bit of a pause where presumably McGee and Ziva might have been making faces at each other trying to decide what to do, but then he heard them scramble down the ladder and the music turned back on. Apparently they had decided not to upset Abby any more, for which Tony was happy, because he didn’t like it when Abby was upset.

“Dumbasses,” Abby muttered to herself.

Tony grunted his agreement and continued with the work. They worked together in silence until Abby straightened up and used voice command to turn the volume of her music down.

“What’s going on, Tony?” she asked without preamble.

“What do you mean?” Tony was still pouring the filth through the strainer and helping it go through, isolating the solids and sorting everything into the different tubs.

“You’ve just been so quiet lately,” Abby was giving him the puppy dog eyes even through the hazmat suit mask.

“No I haven’t.”

“You have, too. In all the important ways, at least.”

Tony sighed. “Just wondering about my place in the world, I guess,” he finally admitted it out loud. It was the first time he’d even said the words to himself, never mind to someone else. “My place here, at NCIS. My place on the team.”

“Are you thinking about leaving NCIS?” Abby gasped.

Tony shrugged, continuing to work and not wanting to look up and see the look in Abby’s eyes.

“But _why_?” she wailed. “I thought we were family, Tony.”

“We are,” Tony agreed. “You and me, definitely, but you know, I stayed so long here because I thought that I'd found family, people I cared about and wanted to come to work with every day, and now I’m not sure that that’s true anymore.”

“ _I_ want to see you come to work with me every day, Tony!” Abby threw her arms around him, disregarding the fact that they were in a septic tank and covered in unbelievably disgusting materials.

“I want to come to work and see you every day, too, Abs,” Tony reassured her. “It’s not you that’s giving me these thoughts. It’s just been less… rewarding… for me these days.”

Abby released him and Tony could feel her eyes on him, looking him up and down, seeing through the hazmat suit, seeing right through him. She sighed. “You’re really unhappy, Tony,” she finally murmured. “I can see it.”

Tony shrugged again. “Not much to be happy about other than seeing you, Abs.”

“What changed?”

Tony sighed. “Everything,” he muttered. “I don’t feel like anyone sees me for who I am anymore.”

“You mean, Gibbs doesn’t see you for who you are,” Abby said shrewdly.

“He was the only that did for the longest time,” Tony said, feeling morose. “And now that he doesn’t, there’s no chance that Ziva or McGee will ever see me as anything but that stupid clown act I put on for them.”

“You could just stop pulling that clown act?” Abby suggested. “Show them your awesome self instead of that caricature you cooked up?”

“They don’t deserve to know me if they can’t even see past that stupid act,” Tony grumbled.

“You’re a wonderful friend. They should get to know the real you. Maybe you should give them a chance?”

“Why should I reward them for the appalling way they’ve been treating me? Besides, at this point, would they even believe me? They’d just think I was pranking them,” Tony kept his eyes on his work, not wanting to see Abby’s eyes. 

“Oh, Tony,” Abby sighed.

“You know I’m right.”

Abby sighed again, but she didn’t contradict Tony’s words. It was the truth, after all.

“Some days I just want to tell Gibbs to take this job and shove it,” Tony’s voice was soft and sad. “I don’t need this kind of grief.”

“Don’t make a decision when you’re upset, Tony.”

“I’ve been carrying around my letter of resignation for a couple years now, Abs,” Tony told his friend. “It’s not a spur of the moment, emotional decision.”

“No!” Abby gasped. “You’ve been this upset about things for so long? Why didn’t you _tell_ me? Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

“They don’t act that badly while you’re around,” Tony shrugged. “And it’s not like I’m not mean to them right back. Not much I can say.”

“You’re not cruel to them, though,” Abby frowned.

“Doesn’t matter,” Tony sighed. “I don’t like being in the field with people I don’t trust to watch my back.”

“It’s that bad?”

Tony shrugged.

Abby sighed and they kept working for a while in silence. Abby hadn’t turned the music back up. After a while, she blew out a breath. “You can’t stay here if it’s making you that unhappy, Tony. It’s not good for you. Especially if you don’t even feel safe in the field.”

Tony hummed his agreement.

“I love you and you’re like a brother to me, so I want what’s best for you. And I want you to be happy,” she nodded. “As much as I want to come to work and see your pretty face every day, I’d rather see you a little less but see your happy smile instead of the sad eyes.”

Tony gave her a surprised smile. “Thanks, Abs,” he felt relieved that whatever else happened, he wasn’t going to lose Abby. A weight lifted off his chest. “I really appreciate that.”

They worked in silence for a while.

“What about how you feel about Gibbs?” Abby asked, surprising Tony with the question. “If you’re serious about leaving. What about Gibbs?”

Tony pursed his lips. Abby was the only one who knew about how he felt about Gibbs. Tony had been hopelessly in love with the man ever since he’d tackled him way back when, back in Baltimore, back before all of the ridiculousness that had been his life in recent years. Back when all he needed from Gibbs was a slap on the back of his head and the reassurance that Gibbs didn’t waste good.

“I think I’ve pined for Gibbs long enough, don’t you?” Tony said sadly.

“Are you giving up on him?”

“I can’t give up on something I never had.” The words said out loud hurt Tony more than he imagined it would.

“Fuck, Tony.”

“I never even had a prayer with him, Abs,” Tony said sadly. “I never really held out any hope but I just couldn’t let go of him as someone I lo… care deeply for. Maybe it’s time I just walk away and stop torturing myself by holding on to feelings for a man who will never look at me the way I want him to,” Tony almost said the L word, but if he was going to walk away from this, he needed to start conditioning himself to forget about him. Forget about his feelings.

“Aww, Tony,” Abby sounded small and sad. “I was so sure he would come around and see you, share these feelings with you, Tony.”

“We’ve got to face it, Abs. The man has no interest in men, and he especially has no interest in me. I need to walk away and do something else, someplace else, instead of torturing myself with what I can’t have, facing him day in and day out.”

“Awwww maaaaaan.”

“But you know, I’ll always appreciate you and love you for being here for me.”

“Good, because after we’re done with this,” Abby gestured to the remnants of the muck that they’d been working on, “you’re taking me out to dinner and buying me a ton of food and plying me with drinks to make up for even the possibility that you’re going to leave me.” Tony could tell that she was trying to put them back on track with their usual banter because otherwise she would be crying.

“I’m not ever going to leave you, Abby,” Tony reassured her. “No matter where I end up.”

“I know,” she smiled at him. “But you’re still buying me a big meal tonight. You can’t leave me alone on Christmas Eve, right?”

“I don’t even know how you can think about food when we’re surrounded by _this_ ,” Tony made a face, gesturing to the waste around them.

Abby laughed. “Please. This is nothing. And you know it. Dinner. Drinks. On you. Tonight.”

Tony nodded. “Fine, fine. But let’s make the drinks hot chocolate, because that’s what I’ve been craving all day.”

“Deal,” Abby was happy again. “And you think ‘hot chocolate’ after all this?” she wrinkled her nose.

Tony shoved her gently with his shoulder but they both laughed.

They were almost done with their task when Abby suddenly said, “Although, if you think about it…”

Tony waited for Abby to finish her thought.

“Gibbs chose you to come and do this with me,” she stated.

“Yes…?”

“I’m his favorite.”

“Yes…? And…?” That was an undisputed truth and had been for years. Abby was Gibbs’ favorite. No question.

“Well! Think about it!” Abby was getting excited now. “He chose _you_ to help me with this!”

“I know, Abs. I was there when he did it.”

“I mean, I know it’s not like the funnest of tasks…”

Tony couldn’t help but snort at that statement.

“But he chose _you_ to help _me_ , and I’m his _favorite_ ,” Abby said. “I think it means he chose his two favorite people to share in a task that he knows isn’t fun, but that you wouldn’t just make the whole time miserable for me and whine through it like McGee would, and Ziva would be all so holier than thou, this is beneath me for I am Mossad and there is much better use of my time than this shit. And neither of them would give this smelly job the kind of serious and obsessive attention that it needs. They wouldn’t do nearly as good a job as he knew you would.”

Tony couldn’t help but smile at that. Abby could find the silver lining even if she was being sucked into a tornado. “You’re a sweetheart, Abs,” he told her fondly.

“True, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true.”

Tony grunted.

“I mean, think about it. He has his two favorite people sharing an unpleasant task, but they’re together and they’re the only two who’ll do the best job on this,” Abby was still going on and on. “And besides, he kept you out of working in the cold and you know prolonged exposure to this kind of cold weather is terrible for your lungs.”

“I don’t know about these fumes as an alternative hazard though.”

“But you’re in a hazmat suit with me! We’re protected! Did you see Ziva’s and McGee’s faces?” Abby wagged her finger at him. “They were completely wind burned. At least you were spared that! We just need to finish this, take a shower…”

“A really long, cleansing shower,” Tony scoffed.

“And we’re good as new!” Abby continued as if Tony hadn’t even spoken.

Tony laughed. “Alright, Abby, I’ll give you that I was spared being out in the cold for too long.”

“So, see? Gibbs is still looking out for you,” Abby declared.

“Whatever you say, Abs,” Tony didn’t have the heart to argue with her.

It didn’t take long before they were done with their work. All the waste had been looked through and the solids separated into human bones, several tubs of questionable materials, and sewage. They climbed out of the septic tank, went through the procedure to disrobe from the hazmat suits, helping each other, and then they went to shower. True to form, Tony stayed as long as he could under the hot spray – whatever else you might say about NCIS, they had unending hot water and amazing water pressure – and scrubbed himself until his body felt raw. He’d soaped his body and shampooed his hair so many times he’d lost count, but he no longer felt as if he was completely covered in shit. All he could smell now was the coconut and citrus body wash that he had used after the harshness of the antiseptic and antibacterial soap, and his conditioner was a matching coconut and citrus scent, too.

He padded out to the locker room, a towel around his waist, scrubbing his hair dry with another towel. He rifled through the clothes in his locker, finding comfortable clothes to wear. It was time to go buy Abby her promised dinner and spend Christmas Eve with her, and drink as much hot chocolate as he could. Digging out in the cold earlier had put that idea in his head and he was bound and determined to drink some tonight. It would be nice to share the evening with Abby. Maybe he could talk her into coming back to his apartment with him and watching a movie and eating his special caramel popcorn after dinner. They’d be back at work in the morning, despite it being Christmas, so maybe they should have a quiet Christmas Eve and have that be their little celebration.

He sniffed and dressed, deciding to forgo any hair products, leaving his hair to spike up as it dried. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone and he didn’t need to look presentable. Besides, he’d had a long day and he just wanted to relax and let his hair down. It would be good to just spend time hanging out with Abby. He needed to be around a real friend and tonight would be that night for just the two of them to reconnect. It would be good for his morale.

He’d made his decision. He was going to leave NCIS. Abby would still be his friend so he didn’t have to worry about that. Everything felt settled inside him now. He was feeling good. It was going to be a good Christmas. He would wait until they solved this case and wrapped it all up into a lovely little bow, and then he would hand in his resignation. He hadn’t even looked into what would happen after, but he’d been receiving a constant stream of job offers from others in the alphabet soup over the years. He knew that he would be able to pick and choose and land somewhere where he felt welcomed and valued.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel. Tony’s heart lifted. He no longer felt like he was stuck and it was a good feeling. He began whistling a song as he dressed and readied himself to go out to dinner with Abby.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two: Gibbs**

Gibbs walked out of the NCIS garage, heart pounding, blood rushing in his ears, thundering through his brain, drowning out everything except what he had just overheard of a conversation between Tony and Abby while they were working in the septic tank. All he could hear now were Tony’s sad words, admitting to Abby that he no longer felt welcome at NCIS and was seriously contemplating leaving. That he had a letter of resignation in hand, had had it ready, and had only been waiting for the last straw before he would hand it in. And apparently he had reached that point now.

Gibbs just couldn’t believe it. Tony was his loyal Saint Bernard. Tony was the original member of the MCRT. The one Gibbs had recruited, special. Tony was the agent who made the MCRT work, who solved the cases, who wooed the witnesses, who smiled and made the world go round for Gibbs. Tony was everything to him.

But apparently, he had been too busy pushing Tony away, hiding from his feelings for the man, so much so that he’d managed to come across as someone who didn’t want Tony on his team, or appreciate what Tony brought to the team. Gibbs couldn’t even believe it had gone that far. All he could hear echoing in his head were Tony’s words, said so tiredly and filled with such disappointment: “I don’t like being in the field with people I don’t trust to watch my back.”

Gibbs couldn’t take it any more after that. He left the garage, not wanting to hear anything more. It was hard enough to hear how disappointed Tony was in his team, in Gibbs, that he no longer trusted them. It was too much. He didn’t want to know how else he might have disappointed his Senior Field Agent, and his friend. It was too much for Gibbs to bear.

Tony had stopped trusting him to watch his six. Tony, his loyal Saint Bernard, was giving up on him because he was done being treated like dirt.

Because Gibbs _had_ been treating him pretty horribly, Gibbs realized. And it wasn’t even a new thing. Tony had stuck it out for much longer than anyone should have. Had just taken Gibbs’ terrible treatment of him, and his tacit sanction of Ziva and McGee just doing whatever they wanted, disregarding chain of command because Tony _was_ his Senior Field Agent. But it had been in name only, and in the amount of paperwork that Tony was responsible for, but nothing else. Because Gibbs hadn’t treated him like his SFA, and neither did Ziva or McGee.

It was no wonder that Tony was disappointed and sad and wanted to leave. And even though Gibbs had chosen Tony to work with Abby because he wanted the man with his scarred lungs to be out of the cold, he could see the optics of it. How it would seem to Tony that he had been chosen for a totally terrible job, scut work that should have been assigned to the most junior member of the team. But Gibbs had publicly chosen Tony and made it look like Tony was the most junior member of the team in front of his two supposed subordinates.

And it wasn’t the first time that Gibbs had undermined Tony in that way. He could think of three more incidents like that just in the past week. And the fact that it was still usually Tony who put all the pieces of their clues together to solve the case didn’t seem to make Ziva or McGee realize just how much Tony contributed to the team. Gibbs’ shoddy treatment of him overshadowed everything else.

And now Tony was going to leave. Gibbs could hear it in his voice. That he was speaking it out loud, if only to Abby, who Gibbs knew Tony was closest with, made it an inevitability. It was coming. Maybe this week, maybe in a month. Gibbs wouldn’t know. But he needed to find the proof that Tony intended to quit. He needed to read this damned letter that Tony had been carrying with him for years now.

He strode into the bullpen and began carefully going through Tony’s backpack to search for it. He didn’t find anything like that in his backpack, so he moved on to the desk. Gibbs went through the desk systematically but carefully to ensure that Tony wouldn’t see that anything was out of place. He found what he was looking for in the bottom drawer. Several loose envelopes, still unsealed, with his name scrawled on them were tucked into a folder containing expense forms. Gibbs opened the first one and skimmed through it. A standard letter of resignation, thanking him for the opportunity to work with him, and that he was now looking at other avenues for career advancement. It was impersonal and professional. Absolutely nothing like the Tony that he knew and loved. As if their entire time working together had meant nothing to him. He folded it up and slipped it back into the envelope, opening the next one. It was yet another letter of resignation. This one was angry and accused Gibbs of favoritism and unfairness. A third letter of resignation was sad, bitter, and resigned. A fourth combined the impersonal and professional with the accusation of bad decision making and favoritism.

Just how many versions of this letter had the man written? Gibbs stared at the evidence of Tony’s unhappiness and intention to leave, trying to decide what, if anything, he could do about this.

“Gibbs?”

Abby’s voice made Gibbs jump. The squad room had been empty since everyone had gone home. It was Christmas Eve, after all. Gibbs had sent his team home – well, McGee and Ziva home quite a bit earlier. He’d even heard how they were taunting Tony while Tony kept working in the septic tank, that they had been allowed to leave and Tony hadn’t. And now Abby was in the squad room and had caught him looking through Tony’s desk. He had been so absorbed in Tony’s letters of resignation that he had actually been taken by surprise when Abby called out his name.

“What are you doing, Bossman?” Abby asked, her tone suspicious. Gibbs was sitting in Tony’s chair at his desk, with papers around him.

Gibbs hastily folded all the letters and stuffed them back into the envelopes, put them back in the drawer and slammed it shut. “Nothing, Abs,” he huffed out.

Abby snorted delicately and parked her rear end on the corner of Tony’s desk. “Did you overhear a private conversation between Tony and me today, by any chance?” she asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

Gibbs sighed and stood up from Tony’s chair.

“It’s not too late to fix this,” she sing songed.

“He has a desk drawer full of different versions of his resignation letter, Abs!” Gibbs growled. “How can I fix that?”

Abby waved it away. “Just because he leaves NCIS doesn’t mean he has to leave our lives!”

“So you’re fine with him walking away from NCIS? Walking away from us?”

Abby gave him a calm stare. “You think he _wants_ to do that?” she asked softly. “You don’t think you’ve backed him into a corner and he sees no other moves for him?”

Gibbs deflated. He’d tried to muster outrage at what he should have perceived to be Tony’s betrayal of him and his team, but he knew that he had pushed Tony too far. It was his own damned fault. He shook his head and shrugged defensively.

“I hate the thought of him walking away from NCIS, but it’s ok. I can handle that. What I’m _not_ fine with, and what I can’t handle, is how sad he is now,” Abby continued. “And if leaving NCIS is what puts that spring back in his step, and that joy back in his smile, then I can’t be angry at him for that. I’ll mourn the fact that I don’t get to come in and work with him on a daily basis anymore, and I’ll put up an I Miss Tony wall, probably for years to come. But I don’t want to lose him. He’s my friend, and I love him, and I want what’s best for him. I’m not sure you’re what’s best for him anymore, Gibbs. Not from a professional standpoint.”

Gibbs could only nod and take it.

“So if you really do care for him, you’ll let him do this. You’ll let him go,” Abby told him, and it wasn’t a suggestion. It was an order. “But instead of turning your back on him, you’ll support this move. This will be a good thing for his career. Did you know that he turned down the Rota team lead position a few years ago, because he didn’t think you were a hundred percent when you came back from Mexico? He didn’t want to abandon you when you weren’t yourself yet?”

Gibbs shook his head. He hadn’t known that. Jenny hadn’t told him about it, and of course, neither had Tony. Why would Tony voluntarily tell him anything these days? Gibbs had betrayed his trust in every way possible.

“And if you work this right, you’ll get to keep him as a friend. That’s what my goal is,” Abby declared.

Gibbs nodded dumbly. He couldn’t even fathom coming to work without seeing Tony’s face. But he knew that Tony’s smiles had been fake for a while now, and he missed the sauciness and natural ebullience that had defined Tony for years.

“And if you finally get your head out of your ass, you could ask him out,” Abby said carefully.

Gibbs looked up at her, surprised.

“How much of our conversation did you hear?” she asked.

“I left when he said he already had the letter written out, and that he didn’t trust us to watch his six in the field,” Gibbs mumbled.

“Well, then, maybe what you need to realize is that if Tony stops working for you, then Rule 12 won’t apply anymore,” Abby’s smile was wicked.

Gibbs sighed. Abby had been pushing him towards Tony for years now. She’d stopped pestering him after the whole memory loss thing, so it had been a while since she said anything like this, but this line of reasoning wasn’t something new with her.

“Don’t count yourself out, Gibbs,” Abby was serious now. “Tony may be sad now, but you can still salvage this. You let him go professionally, and you can keep him as a friend or more. But only if you do the right thing.”

He nodded.

“You won’t get another chance with him,” Abby’s voice was soft, her eyes focused intensely on him.

He grunted and nodded again.

The elevator dinging made them both jump. Tony walked out of the elevator, very much in his own head, executing a few jaunty dance steps. Gibbs could catch the words he was singing under his breath:

“ _Take this job and shove it_  
 _I ain’t working here no more,_  
 _Take this job, take this job, take this job and shove it._ ”

It sounded quite upbeat and happy. Tony stopped, eyes wide in shock when he saw Gibbs in the bullpen, and Gibbs watched as color rose in his cheeks, and his eyes became hooded and closed off, no longer the carefree person he’d been when he’d first walked off the elevator. His cautious expression was totally at odds with the quirky t-shirt that he wore that had a spork on it, declaring “I don’t spoon”. Gibbs had never seen this t-shirt before, because Tony always came to work looking professional, and he hadn’t been dropping by Gibbs’ house after work the way he used to. Gibbs hadn’t seen Tony so casually dressed in… well, forever. The jeans he wore rode low on his hips and god, the man looked amazing. His hair was spiking up as it dried which meant that he hadn’t put any product in his hair after his shower. This was Tony stripped down, the real Tony that he never showed anyone. He was only doing this because he trusted Abby. But the cautiousness in Tony’s moves now drove home the message that Tony didn’t trust Gibbs with this version of himself anymore.

“Boss?” he asked. “You need me to do something else?”

“No,” Abby cut in rudely, giving Gibbs a warning glance. “Because it’s late, it’s Christmas eve, I’m hungry, and you promised to buy me dinner.”

Tony’s eyes softened as he turned to Abby and he nodded, but he turned back to Gibbs, a question in his eyes. Gibbs could see that he was expecting Gibbs to assign him some other work to do, disregarding the fact that it was late, or Christmas eve, or that Abby was waiting for him. He was just waiting for Gibbs to pull the rug from under his feet, and it hurt Gibbs that he had done this to Tony. Made him expect nothing but disappointment from Gibbs.

It hurt Gibbs’ heart to think of his beautiful Tony, so damaged by his actions that he couldn’t see anything but bitterness and disappointment. The letters Tony had written, the different ways he’d imagined resigning his position, it was too much.

“No,” Gibbs shook his head. “Nothing else for the night.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked again. And Gibbs understood that he was so sure that Gibbs would do something to destroy his plans with Abby for the night that he wanted to pre-empt the disappointment. He could see that Tony was certain that Gibbs would call him in while they were out and disrupt his evening.

“I’m sure.”

Tony gave Gibbs a suspicious look, but he nodded and went to bundle up. Gibbs sat at his desk and watched as his Senior Field Agent put layer upon layer on, covering up his quirky t-shirt, his expression still guarded. Abby was looking at the both of them, looking distressed.

“Good work today,” Gibbs mumbled to the both of them.

“Always, Bossman,” Abby dimpled at him.

Tony actually turned to give him a startled look. “Thanks…?” he definitely sounded uncertain.

“It was your idea to search the septic tank and that’s where all the remains have been found so far,” Gibbs continued.

“OK…” Tony looked confused by these words, but he saw when Tony decided to shelve it all and worry about it later and get on with his evening.

Gibbs watched as Tony hefted his backpack and offered his arm in mock chivalry to Abby. “See you tomorrow, Boss,” he gave Gibbs a small smile. “I’ll be all bundled up and ready to hit that yard again in the morning.”

“Nah,” Gibbs shook his head. “Let McGee and Ziva keep doing that. I don’t think they’ll find anything else, and there’s no need to have you waste your time too, digging through dirt when we all know she chopped everyone up and flushed them down her toilet.”

“OK…” Tony gave him a curious look. “What do you want me to do then?”

“You can help Abby with the lab work and maybe start on cold cases.”

“While McGee and Ziva are digging?” Tony looked confused.

“They need to finish their task, make sure we haven’t missed anything in the yard,” Gibbs said. “You and Abby stayed late and finished your tasks. I don’t see why I should put you out in the cold just because they didn’t finish their work.”

Tony just stared at him in shocked silence. Abby was clinging to his arm, looking like she was about to jump out of her skin trying to contain her smile.

“I don’t understand,” Tony frowned.

Gibbs sighed. “It’s only fair. You’ve done your share for the case. They need to contribute as well.”

Tony looked at him suspiciously, daring to give Abby a questioning look, and looking confused at Abby’s happy smile.

“What’s going on?” he asked slowly.

“You should go talk to Tony in your office, Bossman,” Abby chirped happily, disengaging from Tony’s arm. “I’ll wait here for you, Tony. Don’t keep him too long, Gibbs. I’m hungry.” She plopped herself down in Tony’s chair and pulled her phone out, busying herself with it.

Tony gave Gibbs a questioning look and Gibbs made a face. It was time for them to speak, he guessed. He jerked his head towards the elevator, and Tony sighed and nodded. He kept his coat and scarf on, though, as they trudged to the elevator. Tony waited in silence while Gibbs stopped the elevator and he continued to stay silent, just looking at Gibbs. Waiting for Gibbs to begin. Tony was not going to volunteer anything and it hurt Gibbs that he had caused this man so much pain that Tony wasn’t filling the silence with idle or even nervous chatter anymore.

“I heard you talking with Abby earlier,” Gibbs decided to come out in the open.

“About…?” Tony’s eyebrows were raised.

“About the fact that you’ve been carrying around letters of resignation for a while now.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “The conversation in the septic tank?”

Gibbs nodded.

“What else did you hear?” he suddenly looked suspicious and worried.

“I left when I heard that,” Gibbs pursed his lips.

“OK,” Tony’s eyes were big and solemn and he nodded. “Well. No time like the present, I guess. I’ve decided to hand you my notice after this case ended.”

Gibbs nodded slowly. “Figured…”

“Is that why you’re going easy on me tomorrow?” Tony looked confused. “I would think you’d want to work me to the ground in the time you have left with me as your whipping boy?”

Gibbs closed his eyes. Tony’s words were hurting him. “No,” he gritted out. “Not supposed to be my whipping boy.”

Tony gave him a disbelieving look.

“Not how this was supposed to be for you,” Gibbs told him. “I wanted you on my team because you’re good. It’s not your fault I lost sight of that.”

Tony was openly surprised at that. “You’re not mad?” his voice was soft.

“Only with myself,” Gibbs mumbled. “Should’ve been better for you. To you. Shouldn’t have treated you so poorly and making it easy for your teammates to disrespect you.”

Tony’s eyes were wide as saucers and Gibbs couldn’t help but want to get lost in the pools of green. “I don’t understand.”

Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and cringed when Tony flinched. “You deserve better,” he said. “I’ll accept your resignation and I’ll give you the highest recommendation for whatever it is you want to do next.”

“ _Really_?”

Gibbs nodded. “As long as you give me the nice letter and not the angry or sad ones.”

Tony turned crimson and Gibbs couldn’t help but appreciate how beautiful the man looked all flushed like that. The younger man nodded wordlessly, still bright red.

“I was wrong to treat you the way I ended up treating you,” Gibbs told him. Not exactly an apology so he hadn’t broken a rule. “You deserved better.”

Tony flushed again, this time with pleasure.

“You did good,” Gibbs nodded, giving him the praise that he deserved and that he’d withheld for too long. “You always do.”

“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled.

They stood and stared at each other in awkward silence for a moment before Gibbs nodded, grunted, and reactivated the elevator. They made their way back to the bullpen where Abby was waiting for them, an expectant look on her face.

“All good now?” she asked them.

Tony nodded, his ears turning a little red when Abby smiled happily. “We’re all friends still,” he mumbled.

“And we’ll be friends even when Tony’s the director of the FBI,” Gibbs intoned.

Abby laughed. “This calls for a celebration!” she clapped her hands. “Gibbs, I think you should buy both Tony and me dinner tonight. We’ll have us a Christmas Eve slash personal send off for Tony tonight. We’re the orphans and single people, right? We need to stick together.”

Tony was shaking his head. “We don’t want to put Gibbs out tonight, Abs.”

“It’s fine. I’ll buy,” Gibbs grabbed his coat.

“But I wanted pasta and a fuckton of hot chocolate,” Tony whined. “That’s not usually the kind of food that’s served someplace _you_ like to eat.”

“So let’s go get pasta and I’ll buy you as many hot chocolates as you want,” Gibbs smiled at them. “You choose the place.”

And that was how Gibbs found himself sitting in a diner slash Italian eatery, a place that Tony recommended that would have food Gibbs liked as well as the requisite hot chocolate and pasta that he wanted. It was bright and festive and warm and Tony had ditched all his layers, leaving him wearing only that “I don’t spoon” t-shirt and jeans. He and Abby were already on their second hot chocolate, heaped high with whipped cream and mini marshmallows, with chocolate and caramel sauces drizzled on top. Even Gibbs had a hot chocolate, even though his had a nip of bourbon in it. Their food had arrived and Tony was twirling spaghetti on his fork. It had been a fun dinner so far, with none of the awkwardness that had characterized all of Tony’s interactions with Gibbs of late. This was the Tony that Gibbs had long fallen in love with, the one with the twinkle in his eye and the mischievous, flirtatious, amazingly gorgeous smile.

Gibbs pulled his phone out. He thought he needed to commemorate this evening and try to capture Tony’s joie de vivre.

“Oh, watch out! The Bossman is going to take a picture of you on his flip phone!” Abby was laughing happily.

“Does that thing even do that?” Tony teased.

Gibbs gave them both a stern glare, which they blithely ignored and Tony held his fork up high, dragging a piece of spaghetti into his mouth. Gibbs was lucky enough to snap that photo, the phone clicking audibly as it captured the image, because Tony’s eyes were sparkling and he was definitely flirting with Gibbs here and Gibbs would now have this photograph of the happy, flirty Tony forever. He might even get it printed out and hide it with his pictures of the girls in the basement so he would be able to look at Tony whenever he was at home.

“You know,” Abby looked sneaky now. “After Tony resigns, Rule 12 won’t apply anymore.”

“ _Abby_!” Tony elbowed her.

“I’m just saying!” Abby’s look of innocence was absolutely faked. But what was interesting was that Tony was again blushing profusely.

Wait. Gibbs scrutinized the younger man. _Tony_ was blushing like crazy. Why was he blushing about the fact that Rule 12 wouldn’t apply anymore? Shouldn’t Gibbs be the one blushing, given how Gibbs felt about Tony?

Gibbs stared at Tony who looked down at his dish and began cutting up a meatball with his fork, as if it was the most difficult task and required all of his attention.

“DiNozzo?” Gibbs’ tone was mild.

“Yeah?” he still kept his eyes down.

Abby was nodding at Gibbs encouragingly, her eyes bright and happy.

“You know, I _am_ pleased that Rule 12 won’t apply to us soon,” Gibbs continued, taking courage from Abby’s bright eyes and vigorous nodding.

“Really?” Tony squeaked out, now looking up at Gibbs. The hope in his eyes was unmistakable.

Gibbs nodded. “Uh huh,” he pulled his phone out again, wanting to take more pictures of Tony now. “If you’re OK with it, I’ll wait until Abby isn’t giggling like a school girl to ask you out.”

“Seriously?” Tony’s eyes were wide.

“Uh huh,” Gibbs grunted.

“You want to go out with me?” Tony almost squeaked again.

“Uh huh,” Gibbs nodded.

“Like on a date?”

“More than one, if you’re amenable. But we can start with the one.”

“ _Seriously_?” Tony repeated.

“Yup,” Gibbs nodded. “And you know what? I’ll have you know that I _will_ change your mind.”

“Change my mind about what?”

“You don’t spoon?” Gibbs pointed to his shirt.

Tony made a face. “Overrated,” he sniffed.

“You’ll love it when I spoon you. I promise you that,” Gibbs knew that his voice had gotten low and husky.

Abby’s grin was so the cat that ate the canary, but Tony’s blush was adorable. Gibbs couldn’t help but take another picture of Tony, this time blushing so hard that he could light up the room. The click of his phone capturing that moment in time just fit. Everything was clicking into place again, the way he and Tony had when they first met. Whatever it was that had gone out of whack seemed to be aligned again, and they were clicking again.

“Merry Christmas, one and all,” Abby crowed, making both Gibbs and Tony laugh. “And when you guys set your wedding date, you better remember that _I_ got you two together,” she waved her fork at them.

Tony covered his face, still laughing and that was a sound that Gibbs knew he wouldn’t be able to live without for the rest of his life. He clicked his phone and took yet another picture, this time of the laughing Tony. Not as a remembrance now, but as a promise to himself, to never forget that he needed to be someone who made Tony laugh like this, instead of someone who had put that sadness in Tony’s soul.

[](https://i.imgur.com/rmaveZX.png)

**Author's Note:**

> The song that Tony was singing as he got off the elevator in Chapter Two is [Shove This Jay Oh Bee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i2eK8pkueM) (Canibus, with Biz Markie), which is the song I listened to obsessively in order to write this story.
> 
> What can I say about the artwork? I mean, it's fabulous! I love how RPD takes an image that could be interpreted a thousand different ways, then does her magic to make it capture the essence of the story. So go on to [RPD's art post](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964799) and give her all the love!
> 
> The title of the story was also RPD's suggestion. I could not ask for a better collaborator, and friend. I love you, my Elton! You constantly amaze me. <3
> 
> Thank you, and I hope y'all enjoyed this fic!
> 
> <3  
> -j  
> xoxo

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for One Day It Just Clicks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964799) by [Red_Pink_Dots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Pink_Dots/pseuds/Red_Pink_Dots)




End file.
